OF SILENCE AND OTHER GREAT ANSWERS FOR FOOLS

If anything ever convinced me that Ebele Jonathan is afraid of my presidential candidacy it is the fact that he has suddenly decided to become a writer. He wrote in the Washington Post:

“My silence as we work to accomplish the task at hand is being misused by partisan critics to suggest inaction or even weakness. My silence has been necessary to avoid compromising the details of our investigation.”

I don’t blame him. I blame people like Leonardo Da Vinci who said silly things like: “Nothing strengthens authority so much as silence.” That is why my soon-to-be predecessor has refused to respond to any of my messages. In fact you recall, even when I went to the villa, he refused to come out of his room, sending the equally silent Namadi Sambo to represent him at the event.

All of this reminds me of an urban tale in Kogi politics, where during the 2003 election campaigns, to spite Ibrahim Idris, owner of Ibro Hotel, Prince Abubakar Audu who was seeking re-election said that those who know how to sell food should stick to selling food. My reaction to Jonathan will not be out of spite. But I will say that those who know how to be silent should continue to remain silent. Let those of us who are writers be writers. He should not drag it with me. It takes years to learn how to be a doctor or lawyer, but everyone thinks they can jump and become a writer. And perhaps I should just remind Jonathan that Yevgeny Yevtushenko said that when truth is replaced by silence, the silence is a lie.

The 2014 FIFA Men’s World Cup is the first time I have followed football closely. I have always found fanatical following of football both weird and energy consuming. However, the quality of the football and the drama have more than compensated for my time. Also, as president come 2015, I should start watching what most Nigerian men watch, if only to feel what they feel. I will resume my football atheism after the World Cup.

If I was president, I would have given the Nigerian Football Team an award in spite of their crashing out of the round of 16. Our team was undoubtedly the most contented loser in the round of 16. Whereas most losing teams broke down, holding their heads in pain or crying their eyes out, ours only stopped short of celebrating. Commendable. Joseph Yobo, the captain of the team, led by example in this regard. Even though he got on the score sheet as a French scorer, he was enthusiastically saying hello to other players right after the game, as if losing was the most normal thing in the world. God bless the Super Eagles.

When I heard that Dino Melaye had a new light-complexioned woman in his life after the old dark one left, I congratulated him for moving up in the world. As a lawyer I am trained not to draw conclusions after listening to one side of a story. So the fact that photos of his old wife after being allegedly battered by him are all over the internet didn’t deter me from wishing him well in his new upgraded hustle. I only warned that hitting the new light-skinned woman could produce disastrous evidence in a court of law. The previous dark woman claimed to have been hit with a wooden plank. She is quite dark in complexion and it was hard to tell by just looking that she was ‘planked’.

Sadly only six months after, news reaching my campaign office is that Alero, the light-skinned woman who is allegedly pregnant with Dino’s child, has moved out of the house after claims of beatings and false imprisonment. Life is cruel sha. Dino should travel home to Kogi and kneel down in the village square and beg his enemies to forgive him. This is surely home trouble. And I know that he hangs out with Jesus and all every Sunday on Twitter, but this matter is beyond that. Some spirits you have to confront yourself. I wish Dino all the best in this hustle. Perhaps I should just add that Dino has denied hitting Alero “or any other woman”.

Ps. After allegedly spending 470 million dollars on CCTV cameras in the FCT, the Nigerian government, following the most recent bombing in Abuja, advised residents to install CCTV cameras in their homes and business premises. That the Nigerian government has the effrontery to say this, without fear or shame, says something not about the government, but about us as Nigerians. Maybe we do not feel enough ownership of the money that comes from crude oil. Maybe if the money spent by government was taxpayer’s money in the real sense of the term, people might be more proactive in demanding accountability.

Ps. 2. This week in Lagos, the Nigerian army allowed its men sink to a new low. Like outlaws in an ungoverned countryside, the men and women who took oaths to protect Nigeria and Nigerians from internal and external aggressors, became arsonists and attackers in retaliation for an accident involving one of their own. It is too much to ask citizens already living in fear of insurgents under the worst of third world conditions to also live in fear of the people who should protect them. It is too damn much. 

Ps. 3. I just saw this tweeted by Pastor E. A Adeboye: "If the one blocking your marriage is an insider and they refuse to let you go, they'll be buried this year." In my mind, there is hardly any difference between this kind of violent, unkind, and not to add superstitious speech and the violence of those who kill in God's name.